Against my better judgement, I checked my email and received the dreaded "It's over..." termination letter. I knew it was coming, I hoped for the best, but sometimes...you just know...there is no plausible recovery strategy. The military calls this FUBAR - Fucked Up Beyond Any/All Repair/Recognition. When something gets classified FUBAR, you just shake your head and walk or crawl away. Yep, FUBAR was what I had done to the rapport that I had with my 3rd virtual crush. It's amazing, how rapport must be built by many acts of kindness and consideration, but it is destroyed by a single mistake. Oh well...shit happens...live and learn...move on...try not to fuck up so bad next time.
Looking back as I walk away...deep inside, a part of me knew that......that I was no good for her. On the outside she was a strong woman but I could tell how tender she really was. I just kept telling that voice inside to shut up. Why, because she was so good for me & I kept telling myself that I could come down to her level of virtual D/s interaction. Wrong, not for long...obviously! In the real world, a BDSM player's interaction needs must be matched closely for ideal compatibility. I just learned...it's the same for the virtual world too. Duh!
I only knew her for a week and she enriched my life in many ways. Wow, how many people do you meet that you can say that about? I will have to take an inventory some day of all the ways that I was rewarded. She is a rare gem and has much to offer the people around her.
In her last email she further enriched my life. It was just a little snippet of blog advice and I completely get why she helped me. But still, I started to contemplate the potential of the information that she gave me and it could potentially be more life changing than I can imagine at this moment. That invokes a good feeling of being content in this closing.
So after a 1 week ride on a very fast moving Virtual Crush Roller Coaster...which just crashed a few hours ago. I feel pretty good. I would not have traded that experience for anything.
Analyzing the emotions that I feel at this moment is a very surreal mix. I feel some strong senses of loss and failure...but that is mixed with both relief from having closure and elation at the potential prospects ahead. So it balances out nicely. :-)
BTW, this is not the first time that I have had a very surreal mix of feeling this week. And not just from this woman either. I've finally reached the point where I can see my ex-wife as just a very close friend. We actually sat down together 2 nights ago and exchanged crush stories without jealousy or envy. It was very weird but also wonderful. It helped that she bought a Ferrari for me on her recent trip to Italy. Perhaps I will elaborate more on this in future posts. Anyway, what a week!
To my vc #3
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
BTW, I'm retiring the alias VC for me. It will symbolize a special memory of you though.
Farewell to you too,
Erotic Deviance- off to explore the blog world :-)
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