Yesterday, I re-initiated contact with VC-2 who was my second Virtual Crush...hence the name. She originally contacted me via an online "Friends Only" marked profile, just wanting to discuss human sexuality. I'm not hard to convince since that is my favorite topic. :-) And so began our relationship. It was rocky in the first few days but we survived the push-pull trials.
Well, we connected strongly and in no time I was smitten with a full blown crush. She was the first person that I ever got tingles all over my body for just from a few words in an email. I can't explain it in cognitive neuroscience terms...yet anyway. None-the-less it was powerful, exhilarating and yummy. She inspired me to do things I had never done before. Not so much wild and crazy bdsm stuff, just more funny embarrassing stuff. BTW, ginger and bananas can go together nicely. You can fill in the blanks.
Since she lives locally, about 45 miles away, we quickly broke out of the virtual crush into the real world. Now to refresh anyone jumping in new here, I am on a sexual hiatus after recently exiting my divorce. This put a lot of strain on our relationship development as you might imagine. I spent some time at her house and we got very comfy, even kissed. I quickly realized that my hiatus was in jeopardy and pulled back. I have been very been very busy business wise the last few years and so I had no problem immersing myself in my own work and personal problems. At this time I am unclear exactly what happened, but our relationship came to a screeching halt one day. Neither of us said anything or did anything so hurtful as to destroy the rapport we had built, but we are both creatures that are slaves to our pride. And so we let Pride Dominate as usual. Instead of working out our issues, we just shut down.
Well I had left my Louise Hay Healing Yourself DVD at her house. I had just received it and we wanted to watch it together one night, after dinner, but we yacked the night away instead. So it sat there waiting to heal us. When we had our falling out, VC-2 said that she would mail it back to me. I told her to watch it first.
Well, it never showed up. I figured USPS just lost it as they have so many other parcels. Every time I filled my Amazon cart, I would contemplate replacing it. Each time, I decided to hold onto hope. I suppose a part of me also wanted to keep the window between us cracked open. Well, the DVD apparently did just that.
Yesterday, I started questioning, "How much longer do I need to carry this hope & confusion around." I suppose perhaps, I also wanted closure one way or the other. :-/
Then I thought about how much fun we had just talking, laughing and hanging out. So I thought "Her friendship is worth trying again."
So that is what I did. I sent VC-2 an email and asked she would like to discuss what happened.
Well, I got no response all day. Time tortured me. Then finally around 9:30P, I could not stand it anymore and grasped for closure. So I sent an email basically saying "Well, you did not respond so I guess I got my answer. Farewell."
Turns out that she had been in her women's support group and could not respond, however they were discussing me. Once again, why couldn't I wait a bit longer? This is a common problem. I also violated rule #101 again! Rule #101 Never Click "Send" When Your Upset...
Well, she later emailed back and said that she wanted each of us to define our relation ship needs and goals. So I sent her a letter explaining what I thought happened...that I wanted to be good platonic friends...and that I wanted to put a friendship safeguard in place to prevent this from happening again. She asked if she could have until Firday to let me know. I told her to take as much time as she needed.
Then at 1AM I went for a walk to dry up the tears. I subsequently crashed for the night and slept pretty well.
BTW, Did I mention yet, that I have no set sleep pattern? I tend to be primarily nocturnal, but work forces me to be awake some of the day. I can go days without sleep when needed. I've always been like that. I suspect that it goes back to fluoride induced damage to my pineal gland in as a young child. I was given fluoride supplement rinses for my teeth. I swallowed the stuff instead of just rinsing thinking it would work better. I was probably right but at that time we did not know that fluoride causes damage to the pineal gland that regulates the endocrine system. The syndrome I mention also explains the precocious puberty that I experienced. Oh well, both issues have shaped who I am and I would not trade them.
Until next time,
ED - fingers and toes crossed
No comments:
Post a Comment