Here is a list that I accidentally stumbled onto of red flags for women to look for to spot narcissists & sociopaths. I just thought it fit in with the relationship advice theme of this blog. This list came from a woman who was married to a narcissist and posted this on another blog as a comment.
She said that if women see these flags then they should run from the men. Most of these are clearly not healthy Dominant behavior. IMO, these are signs of a very abusive relationship not consensual D/s BDSM relationships. I think it is important to note that one or 2 of these red flags may not indicate sociopathic behavior because in a D/s relationship, I would not necessarily consider it abnormal for a woman to be told to wear certain jewelry, clothing or less makeup...assuming that the decision making had been consensually handed over to the Dom. The key is did the woman having sound mind, exercising free will...hand over these choices to a Dominant man or did he attempt to seize control? To me that's the difference, does the woman seek to submit choices about her life to a man or is he trying to seize control. I'm sure that people unfamiliar with the dynamics of D/s relationships may find all this to be appalling. Look at it from another perspective, some women tend to go overboard with clothing, makeup, etc. out of insecurities or a shopping addiction & may need help making decisions. If you don't believe me then go hang out at a shopping mall and or Wal-Mart for a while.
I suggest these be used as warning signs and if seen in clusters then be very cautious. Use common sense and get outside opinions from your friends & family if possible. They usually have a better perspective. It should be taken into account that D/s relationships create an environment and dynamics that will be viewed as unhealthy by many who lead vanilla lifestyles.
Red flags
1) Needing to be around you as much as possible and knowing where you are at all times.
2) Refusing to have any meaningful social life, even with his own family.
3) Telling you what to wear and advising what is “appropriate clothing” for you.
4) Requesting that you spend all your free time with him and NONE with friends. (In the beginning, you can see friends on a limited basis, but he has to be there.)
5) Absolutely NO male friends or hugging any male.
6) Dictating what you look like, i.e., you should wear glasses instead of contact lenses, less makeup, less jewelry, etc.
7) No more going to the gym, men might look at you there while exercising.
8) Outright anger when you join a church or any other “institution.” The REAL issue is…he is afraid a priest or other “authority” will tell you what to do and “control” you.
9) Encouraging you to engage in unhealthy habits like not losing weight. They use these “bad habits” later to criticize you.
10) You cannot be “too friendly.” People might get the “wrong idea,” especially MEN.
11) You have the feeling of walking on eggshells, waiting for a blow-up if you say the wrong thing or say the right thing in a way he does not like.
12) You know he thinks he is smarter and better than others by his almost constant criticism of others…words like “idiot” and “slow learner” are a common part of his everyday language as he discusses others.
13) He loves the thrill of a good “fight” with nearly anyone, but when he perceives himself as the loser, he is a very poor one and there are always rationalizations for WHY he lost and they have nothing to do with HIM, of course.
14) He acts like he cares what you think, gives lip service to being “liberal” and open minded but his actions are the opposite.
15) He thinks absolutely NOTHING of lying and will take advantage of anyone at anytime if it furthers his goals.
16) You have never met anyone like him…he does things that no one else does…his behavior is simply outrageous to others and they shake their heads and say what GALL!
17) The rules do NOT EVER apply to him…he is above them.
18) He resents, on many levels, having to care for his children unless a woman is around to take on most of the “burden.”
19) He often “forgets” what he is supposed to do for his children (especially when it involves anything to do with money).
20) He says things that simply make NO sense and you, as a rational, logical person, just cannot quite figure it out.
21) He shows up with no notice at your job or home (no common sense of courtesy).
22) When he thinks he is being rejected, he calls, emails, comes to your home or job obsessively and often actually stalks.
23) Early in the relationship you are his “whole world” and he does not want to spend any time with anyone but you.
24) He seldom thanks anyone for anything.
25) These men are VERY adept at fooling others…everyone thinks they are just great and love you so much…BEWARE!
If anyone else has more input please comment or email it.
ED
No comments:
Post a Comment