They sure do look cute together at first.....then the reality of the mismatch sets in. :-(
Time...the ultimate cleanser...has been working away...diluting the sense of loss & failure. It's been a dozen hours or so since my termination letter and I now have regained my mental clarity. I see how rewarding the experience was and I would eagerly repeat that part of my history again. Overall, I feel healthy & happy. Time to blog it out.
The next few posts are going to be dedicated to analyzing and rule making based on my most recent virtual crush (VC-3). First I wanted to touch on what I believe doomed us from the start and was ultimately the final straw. The problem was...that we were very mismatched in many ways. Some of them were perhaps of little consequence. However, fundamentally we had completely different levels of kinky play experience both physically and mentally. In the real world, BDSM players desires must be matched to some extent or neither players needs are properly met. I will elaborate on this in a bit...but first, for me, I need to analyze why I ignored this obvious issue.
First off, I am currently 13 months into a 24 month sexual sabbatical. I have multiple reasons for doing this that I will cover extensively in future posts. But for now, I mention this to help frame my mindset. Quite simply put, "I'm horny as hell." This shit is not easy. Especially when eager attractive single women keep popping into my life from different directions. The next question would logically be "If your on a sex hiatus then what are you doing actively engaging in virtual crushes?" Well, I have online profiles set up around the web, for the purpose of finding like minded friends with mutual interests. On the first line on my profile, I make it quite clear that "I am on hiatus and will not be climbing in bed with anyone!" I added that statement after VC-1. Who I now, consider to be a dear friend in real life, despite some rough patches we went through. Actually, I became friends with both VC-1 & VC-2 in real life...but this is another post topic entirely. The point is, that I was in a very sexual/romantic needy state of mind when VC-3 popped up.
VC-3 had a similar state of mind but clearly understood and excepted the conditions that limited my availability for real life adventures. Next, we began friend/rapport building activities. That went well & we clicked naturally in several key ways and so began the rapid escalation. A short time later, the emails were flying back and forth. Then literally over night, I was deep into my next virtual crush. Those are some great feelings. The problem is...we now know from science that these feelings are due to a cocktail of chemicals that the body releases in order to trigger romantic bonding and mating. It's an evolutionary carry-over from millions of years ago. When you feel the romantic high we call infatuation, you are literally high on mind altering drugs. No doubt, this greatly influenced my decision to continue the rapid escalation of our crush. That my excuse anyway and I'm sticking to it for now. :-)
The rapid escalation led to very light D/s talk and some soft BDSM imagery. There was a point when VC-3 questioned our rapid acceleration. I thought about it and decided that it was mostly harmless fun...and I could handle it. Nor did the virtual crush conflict directly with the reasons for my sex hiatus. So I gave her my approval and left the decision and pace up to her. Eagerly two consenting adults dove on in.
We began discussing D/s BDSM activities etc. in a very suggestive, super flirtatious way. That escalated to her suggesting an imaginary sub named Gigi or (sub form gigi = gg). The intent was for us to place gg in scenes and play out fantasies. Well, it became obvious that our experience levels and threshold for "too much" were not even close. I thought that using the imaginary (virtual) gg would some how act as a buffer to match our interest levels but I was sadly mistaken. What I did discover is that gg is a marvelous tool to determine if 2 BDSM players share common erotic interests and levels of play. Each player can write little BDSM stories with her and see if they are mutually erotic and acceptable. This is critical because if the activity and play levels are too different, then either of 2 things goes very wrong. Either one player finds the activities boring, or the other player is overwhelmed or perhaps even frightened. I liken this to a cat playing with a mouse. The cat is naturally going to want to play too rough. And, so it was...through the use of gg it was becoming more and more apparent that ultimately, I was not compatible with newbie VC-3 in BDSM activities, virtual or not. :-( I wonder how much longer I could have ignored this fact.
Eventually, I inadvertently discovered VC-3's response to humiliation by insulting her pride via her blog buddies. In the process I tried to provide them some useful information about the seduction community and the dangers that some of these seduction artists as they call themselves pose to women. BTW, this is going to be the topic of a whole new blog coming soon. Well, as it turns out VC-3 apparently has had no experience with public humiliation in BDSM play. Her first and former BDSM mentor apparently did not work with her on pride suppression what-so-ever. oops my mistake..."never assume that a prior Dom was thorough or successful in anything." Yeah, I know....Duh!
The results were not pretty! She had some strong words to say, that I will keep confidential. Those words clearly indicated her extreme anger and embarrassment. I felt pretty bad. Take Note: "The first time you stomp on a woman's pride, it's always a roll-of-the-dice. You better have a lot of value & rapport invested." Again...Duh! What I find ironic is that so much anger and embarrassment came from a woman who has blogged her entire introduction to BDSM over the last year for thousands of people to read. Yet she was embarrassed because I the D...in what she had called a "mentor/mentee" relationship...had talked down to her in front of her BDSM friends. None of which were here public daily life friends, but her sub friends that are supposed to be accepting of her submissive tendencies. Oh well, I had a feeling that might happen. She's a newbie. My mistake...live and learn.
The final straw came later that day after I sent an apology email. I had not heard anything from her, so I thought that all hope was lost. Clearly, I let my emotional attachment cloud my judgement. I know that sometimes you can salvage a bad situation with a submissive woman who is angry at you by appearing more angry and presenting examples of her bad behavior. However, this is a huge gamble because if it backfires then the results are typically relationship FUBAR. Well my perception was that "all was lost"...so I decided to try this last effort. Looking back it was less of a decision and more like I just allowed my emotions to drive my actions. I went through some of her emails and scribbled down some notes. Then began to rip out an email. The rest is history, which by the way is the topic of the blog on 10-15-2010 listed below:
Rule #101 Never Click "SEND" When Your Upset...
Well, I think that about covers it,
ED- wondering if blogging is going to be my next addiction?
No comments:
Post a Comment